My Final Words

Some people say you’ll feel every second of death when it finds you; that you’ll see death watching you and you’ll know. But I didn’t, it was weird really I never ever expected it to happen to me. I was on top of the world the week before it happened; I’d just been announced Prom Queen, I was head of the cheerleading squad at my school and I had the most popular, handsome boy as my other half, I had my Daniel… And then bam I’m dead. Sucks doesn’t it?

Well it wasn’t that quick but I don’t really remember all the gory details; sometimes I wish I didn’t remember any of it, but I remember some of it. It all started when my beautiful little car broke down. My car’s a little ford fiesta and I love her to bits when she isn’t breaking down on me, so I’d say overall I love my car about fifty percent of the time. She especially loves breaking down if you go more than fifty… I can’t even go on a motorway without my little beauty breaking down on me.

Well anyway I’m rambling let’s get back to my car breaking down. It was a late Tuesday night and I could see the black/grey clouds moving closer towards me and my little beauty as she coughed and died. I went to ring the good old AA but my phone had died, just my luck I remembered thinking. I was in the middle of nowhere and the rain had started to fall. I was stranded and it was my little cars fault. I locked my car and started to trek to my house. I was about two miles away from my house and had no money for the passing taxi’s or buses. I carried on walking and was about half a mile away from my street when it happened. That’s when I died. Yeah, it really does suck. Like I was almost at the finish line and then bang it’s snatched away from me.

It’s such a clique too. Something you’d expect to see on a movie. See the thing was I was mugged. But the guy just got too scared and then one mistake and dead simple. I died. Shot in the chest. I think it hurt. I don’t remember all of it. I remember feeling shocked and I think the mugger was too. He was only a kid. He looked about my age… maybe younger. I don’t hate him for it. I mean why should I blame him? I blame myself… I was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

The rest I do remember though. I remember waking up on the side of the road with a mixture of flashing blue and red lights around me. I got up and looked around and saw a paramedic near me I walked over to him and asked him what had happened. But he looked straight through me and walked away. I can remember trying to talk to him again but then the weirdest thing happened. He stared straight through me and then… he walked straight through me. It feels weird when people do that. It’s kind of like an itch or a tickle but it makes me feel a little lightheaded and dizzy. Well let’s just say it’s not the greatest feeling.

Anyway getting back to the paramedic… he walked straight through me! I stood there in shock then looked to where the paramedic had just gone. He was walking to the ambulance and getting into the back. I followed him and climbed into the back. There was a figure covered with a sheet and I pulled the sheet but my hand just went through the sheet. The paramedic lifted the blanket as the ambulance started and he sighed. The other paramedic spoke to him briefly. Saying she was young. Had her parents been rung? I stood there frozen with fear to look at the form which was now on show. I took a deep breath and glanced over and let out a cry of pain. I looked down at my own face. My eyes were closed and my hair was soaked from the rain, my lips were bloody and there were scraps on my chin.

Time seemed to quicken as I stared at my prone form. I followed my body as it was rushed into the hospital by the paramedics. I was placed in a room and the doctor ripped open my jacket and I stared down at the hole in my chest. I looked down at myself and saw nothing which resembled what I was seeing in front of me. The doctors were covered in my blood before I had chance to count to twenty. I watched as they worked over my still form apparently my heart beat was slowing. My pulse was fading.

I decided to leave the doctors to it. Why should I watch myself die? I think I should have stayed where I was though because as I left the room I heard an anguish cry of pain from the waiting room. I ran over as I heard the familiar sounds of my father’s voice. He was comforting my mother. I tried to tell her I was ok but of course she couldn’t hear me. She couldn’t seem to hear my father either. She just sat there crying and crying. I couldn’t bear to witness this and it got just that much more painful when Daniel came running into the room. He stood there looking as breathtaking as usual but there was a sadness to his whole stance. He looked at my parents and my mother got up and threw her arms around him. He stood there composed but I could see how he was shaking.

That’s when I tried to hug him. Tried to comfort him. He asked if he could see me. But no one said anything. I sat there screaming at the top of my lungs but the worst thing about being dead is that no one can actually hear you. I sat in a heap letting my tears fall. I was truly dead I think it dawned on me then. But no the doctors were trying to bring me back. I started to go to my room when the doctor came into the waiting room in fresh scrubs – I guess not to alarm my parents – and he took them to me. I followed them and placed my hand on Daniels. Of course it just went straight through his hand.

The doctor led them all to my hospital room. I lay there looking cleaner than I had been the last time I’d seen me. I had my eyes closed still and I lay there and looked peaceful. The only difference was there was no sound coming from the heart monitor it read zero. My mother fell to the ground crying my name and my father fell with her hugging her tight to his chest. Daniel stood there for a long moment then walked towards where I lay. He bent down and kissed me forehead. He whispered something in my ear and I leaned over to hear him. He whispered three words he’d never spoken to me when I was alive.

‘I love you.’

I watched as he moved away and saw his eyes fill with tears and he silently cried over my lost life. I slowly walked over to him and hugged him willing my arms to hold him. I whispered into his ear when my arms failed.

‘I love you too.’

Beyond This World

The night was dark. The stars had started to shine and I could see the big dipper from my bedroom window. I remembered it so well. I stood at my window sill looking out at the sky. I tried to see the world beyond this one. I never saw anything. But I always believed. I believed that something was out there; something magical and different… something new. I believed that something or someone was out there waiting for me to find them. That’s when I met him.

He walked down my street alone. I noticed him because he was the first person to appear on my street in hours. He kept walking but when he levelled with my house he stopped and looked straight up at my window and looked at me… straight at me.  Not just at my house, right at me, I could feel his gaze burning into me. Like a flame to gas. I looked quickly away and stepped away from the window. Unsure of what his eyes wanted to say.

After a moment had passed I moved back to where I had stood before. He was still there, looking up at my window. When he saw me reappear he smiled and gave a faint wave. I smiled and waved back. I never did find out his name; but I remember what he looked like: dark hair that fell over his eyes, tall reaching to about six feet and extremely handsome. I wondered… why had he stopped right outside of my house and happened to glance up right at my window. Was it fate? …Or just coincidence?

We never did say anything to each other that night or any other night. We just stared at the other and smiled like fools. I don’t remember how long we stood there like that it felt like years maybe it was. My gaze broke as my mother called me. I turned to speak to her and when I turned back he was gone. Where had he gone? I’d taken my eyes off him for a second but now he was nowhere to be seen. Maybe he hadn’t been real. Maybe I had a wide imagination. Or maybe he’d disappeared into that world beyond this one.

That One Boy

I only said yes to you because of the way you smiled at me.  Anyone who knows me will tell you how much I hate zombie movies but in that one moment when you looked me in the eyes and smiled, I didn’t care if it was a five hour zombie marathon or an actual zombie takeover. We sat in the cinema but I’ll be honest I don’t even remember what happened in the movie because all I did was look at you, the way you were staring up at the screen with  a look of such wonder in your eyes it made my heart skip a beat.  I remember when we walked out of the cinema, the streets as silent as ever and you took my hand in yours; nothing had ever felt so right to me before but at that moment I knew, you were something special. You pulled me into the alleyway next to the cinemas and we just stood there looking at one another, it was so personal… so romantic and yet we were barely even touching, do you remember? I remember it every day.

I remember how it started raining and you pulled me into an empty doorway, your breathing was hard as you looked down at me in the confined space of the doorway, your breathtaking blue eyes piercing into my own and I remember my knees going weak. You looked at me and your lips moved closer to mine, tempting me to reach up and bring our lips together for that one simple kiss but you didn’t you just whispered my name like a caress, your voice was filled with so much emotion, I knew I’d found you… the one. I closed my eyes and brushed my lips against yours, do you remember? It felt as if someone had shocked me, that touch of your skin melted my heart. I remember when you deepened the kiss and my whole body trembled and my knees gave out, you caught me as if it were second nature and held me to your chest. We stayed like that for who knows how long, you holding me and me soaking in your warmth. I remember then as we were standing like that - clearly as if it were yesterday - when you said those three simple words that changed my life forever and I knew I’d fallen in love with you too.

The feelings that are between us are so strong that we don’t even realise what’s going on around us. I see the flash of a gun and I try to push you out of the way, only you tried to jump in the way to protect me. I close my eyes as I hear a bang, expecting to feel the sting of the gun, but I felt nothing. My world was spinning, as I opened my eyes to see you looking down at me and holding your chest. You fell to your knees and I fell with you; the tears rolling down my face and all I could think was, ‘not you, not now, please give me more time.’ Though even after all of this you still managed to look up at me and wipe away my tears. And when I felt my heart breaking into a thousand pieces you gently kissed me on the lips and whispered those three words…

‘I love you.’